It was a fine Saturday afternoon at Universal Studios in Orlando as I was snacking on a bag of potato chips and gulping down a semi-large bottle of Gatorade.
But then I heard a strange noise coming from around the corner.
As I turned the corner I figured that strange noise would lead to some kind of cock fight.....but it didn't pan out that way. Instead it was John Mellencamp and his posse rehearsing a few songs.
My head nearly exploded due to the fact that I could not believe what I was seeing and hearing at the same time.
Good ol' Cougar is playin' away.
As I watched the Mellen-posse play on stage I was a bit disappointed at what I was seeing and knew that the band needed something.....
.....it turned out it was me and my huge guitar, but mostly me.
Mr. Mellen-Man was quite impressed with my awesomeness.
I found a loose cable hanging from above the stage so I swung around for the grand finale of the rehearsal and said, "I'M BRIAN HOGAN, I LIKE TO SWING UPSIDE-DOWN AND MY GUITAR IS FREAKIN' HUGE. I'M BRIAN HOGAN."
When I got kicked off the stage by the Mellen-Cougarlicious posse I found another stage nearby. This stage was much larger and seemed like it was going to be used for something decent.
Then about two hours later Ellen DeGeneres came on the stage and it finally made sense to me that this was The Ellen DeGeneres Show. Hence the huge letters that spell "ellen" in the background.
Not only could you have a fantastic view of a mini Ellen DeGeneres but you had the option of viewing a mini Ellen DeGeneres on a jumbo DeGeneres-viewing monitor.
Then John Stamos showed up and they both talked about Stamos stuff.
This is their usual pose they like to get into when on camera.
I soon realized that Ellen does a lot of dancing on her show so I thought I'd bust out a few of my sick moves.
John Mellencamp and his posse were going to play a few songs for the actual taping of the show, but before that happened Ellen saw me and waved me over.
We did our usual pose when we're in front of the cameras and froze into that position for about ten minutes.
Then I had to submerge back into the sea of people because they were about to tape the show again.
The Mellen-Man and his campers are back!
Once again they just weren't doing so good like they were in the rehearsal.
I knew something had to be done.
So I picked up my huge guitar and started to jam.
It turned out to be the best live version of "Jack and Diane" EVER!
Ellen went up to talk to John but I knew there needed to be some kind of grand finale so I busted out my sick moves again.
I'm pretty sure no one was listening to the celebrities and were paying attention to me the entire time.
I headed over to Islands of Adventure because Ellen and John Stamos were going to ride Dueling Dragons so I had to check that out.
You don't wanna duel wit d'em dragons.
Me, Ellen and John S. are on the blue dragon and we are about to kick some scaly red dragon booty.
It was a fast and frightening ride, but at least we dueled that loser red dragon and showed that blue is the boss.
I had to get going so I said good-bye to the celebrities and I was on my way.
But on my way out I ran into my twin brother, Michael, so it was great to see him and catch up for a few minutes.
After that it was finally the end of my adventure at Universal, and I needed to go somewhere outside of the park to buy more potato chips and Gatorade. I ain't payin' twenty bucks for a theme park snack!
The End.
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